As I type this, i'm actually worried that this post won't live up to what you guys expect it to be because the first part of this series was actually pretty dope, if I do say so myself 😏 (read it HERE if you missed it) let's see what this part of the series will bring.
Do the insecurities ever fully go away? I think they still rear their ugly heads every once in a while just to taunt you, but once you have the strength to look them in the eye and tell them "I'm not scared of you anymore bruh! I don't care what you do" you have gained strength, you have grown! Way to go!
Now i'm not saying i'm the most confident of the lot, but I have definitely made amazing progress. Some mornings I strut around feeling fly and thinking "damn girl, why so fine?!" on those days I take a lot of selfies. Do you have those kind of days? You should! Those kind of days are really great days. Days when you are in touch with yourself and you appreciate yourself for who you are, flaws and all.
Has my derriere made an appearance now? Who cares? I love it whether it's small or big. The truth is, I stopped caring about what it looked like, it got really exhausting. Worrying over one's insecurities is actually really exhausting. If you can't do anything about it at the moment, why not accept it and move on to the things you can affect?
Honestly I wouldn't be the woman I am if I wasn’t the girl I was. If I didn't go through the hurt and self doubt, I wouldn't have blossomed into this pretty butterfly that I am now 🦋.
Someone once said that as soon as a woman starts talking about self love and wanting to focus on herself and her relationship with God that it means she has either been heart broken or just ended a relationship, to be honest this is not far from the truth and I can totally relate with this.
It is quite sad actually. Sad that it takes heart break for a woman to realize that the only human's love she can fully rely on is hers, sad that it takes a break up for her to know that she has to focus on improving herself. Sad because it takes being hurt for her to realize she has to always put herself first.
I have learned to see myself and understand myself. I have learned to love myself based on how I see myself and honestly, my opinion is really all that matters. Maybe I get a little too defensive when criticized, but I’m learning to find a balance.
A friend of mine once implied that I couldn’t yet refer to myself as a woman but as a lady. His reason? Because I don’t have responsibilities. I don’t have children and a husband yet. Yep you guessed it, I flipped! 😠 Oga I DO have responsibilities, what is a job called? All the side projects I handle nko? Ogbeni park well oh! What if I decided to never get married? Does that mean I will never become a woman? You have just basically reduced womanhood to just being able to birth children and have a husband. I was so pissed.
I usually don’t call myself a feminist because a lot of women in the world today, due to their lack of understanding of what the word means, have given it a bad name, (that is a story for another day sha) but I find myself unconsciously resonating strongly with the ideals of feminism, does that make me a feminist?
Anyway my friend understood my point of view after I explained all this (after I went off on him actually) but sadly this is how a lot of people think, this is what some women have been made to believe. I’m happy that I’ve seen a lot of women being empowered in recent times. Yes to women empowerment! Know your worth and the strength of your abilities. Who runs the world??? (I bet you said "girls" in your mind 😏)
I have always been quite independent or maybe it was just me not wanting to bother people. But I have grown to be quite independent, depending on myself for my own happiness and my material needs. For the first time ever, I’m using a phone that I paid for with my money. Whoop whoop! Not partly my money oh; all the money that went into it was mine and that feels pretty cool. It feels good to be able to afford some of the things I want to buy on my own (I use the word “some” because baby girl has expensive taste yuno 😎)
The woman I am has recognized her strengths and is harnessing them, she sees herself as a queen despite what anyone else thinks. The woman I am has realized that she is responsible for her own happiness no matter what. The woman I am has learnt to be comfortable flexing her “No” muscles. If she doesn’t want to do it, she will not do it and your trying to convince her only strengthens that resolve. To be honest, the woman I am is a tad bit stubborn but is still loved regardless.
The woman I am is excited to meet the woman i'm becoming, aren't you???
Labels: From my Purpleheart, Twenty6
