The Ideal Approach to Confrontation

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There are times when it is necessary to sit a person down and "table their matter", to confront them on the areas they are messing up. This can prove to be a difficult task most times, because you are at the risk of gaining a  new enemy when you are done. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow, so you have to administer with care and caution. Your approach when confronting a person on their wrongs should be well thought out.





Before you proceed with the confrontation, you should have in mind that the point of your confrontation is to help the person and not to make them feel bad, choose your words very carefully and avoid sounding accusatory.

I have outlined a few pointers that can help in your approach to confronting a person.

Be firm
Try and keep sentiments aside, as long as you know that what you are about to say is for the person's good. Be firm and say all you need to say even though the person feels bad, your words, though painful to hear, will help the person change.

Be gentle after being firm
Just like a mother hugs her child and gives him a big meal after scolding and spanking him. After confronting, give a few gentle and encouraging words, this will definitely give the person a motivating boost.

Highlight the good sides too
Don't just point out the negatives, throw some light on the positives, mention those areas where the person makes you happy or is doing well.

Be direct and be specific
State specifically the areas in which the person is behaving poorly, be direct in telling the person what they have to do to improve.

Make sure you know the facts
In pointing out the wrongs of the person, make sure you know the facts in detail of what the person has done, how the person did it and when the person did it, don't confront blindly.

Follow up after the confrontation
After the confrontation, be sure you follow up on the progress of the person's improvements, remember that you're trying to help the person and you genuinely want the person to be better.

Use discipline when all else fails
If all the talk proves abortive, you can resort to more disciplinary action, if the person is a close friend, you can decide to stay away from the person until the person sees that you are serious and that his/her change is important to you. In other situations, you can report the person to whoever is in the best position to ensure the person changes, it could be the persons parents, boss or even husband/wife.


“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. "

Have you ever had to confront someone? How did you go about it? What was your approach? Please share in the comment section, we would absolutely love to hear your story.

Truly yours,


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