HUMOUR RANTS: The ARMPIT People

14:29


Yes oh! They exist...we have them everywhere, committing various disastrous offences with the hollow between their arms and torso...chai! I weep just at the thought :(
So today I'll be tabling the matter of just one category of these rare human specie...because if we attempt to talk about all ehn *sigh*...let's just leave it there.


So, the category we're discussing today is made up of the rarest of this breed, they are called the "branding experts", these rare breed are found mostly on public transport...buses to be precise. For us KP's (aje KPakos) that cannot afford the luxury of chattered/hired cabs (side eye to those that disagree...cc: Critik) we find it imperative to jump these transport buses.

Please be reminded, these transport buses are usually filled with all sorts, and pray you must, that you're lucky enough to sit close to someone who smells reasonably enough that you may not choke... So back to our rare breed...

These people seem to take it upon themselves (consciously or unconsciously, at this point I no longer give the smelly crack of a rat's behind) to ensure that you don't forget them once you get down from that bus, and how do they do this? They "brand" you with their smell. They aren't simply content with just sitting quietly beside you, NO OH! Not these lot oh! They ensure that your entire, and I stress ENTIRE shoulder is engulfed under their sweaty, un-deodorized pits, like really??? After squirming uncomfortably throughout the journey, you emerge from the bus with one drenched shoulder and a lingering and sickening smell...jeez! Please help me ask these people "which way naaaa?"

But what can we do, these are the consequences we have to shoulder to get transported from one point to the other (see what i did there? Hehe)

Ever had a similar experience? Abeg share, I would love to hear about it...



Illustration by SMKY Arts

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27 thoughts

  1. Lol! Nice! Some even spice it up with the aroma oozing out from their BEAUTIFUL hairdo..

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  2. I had an encounter once and it was terrible...Jehov, that my top never remained de same.

    www.girlylifebybloom.blogspot.com

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  3. its not that bad
    once suicide is your main aim
    and when they stand to get down
    they rub it on your head

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    Replies
    1. Lmao! I've never experienced the head rub oh!

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  4. Aby you got the description very well.*high five* See all these people ehn,they are the ones that always decides to put their arm across you thereby placing their armpit on your shoulder. In my mind,I'll just be saying 'God this is a reminder that my car should be provided as soon as possible'. Me that don't even like people's sweat touching my body...God please give these set of people the knowledge to know that humans don't like their scent. Hian
    mylifeasmoby.com

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  5. yes oh, I had an experience recently and it was so appalling that I had to face the window through out the time I was in the bus (brt).

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    Replies
    1. That must have been a really uncomfortable trip

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  6. I have never experienced it and wish never to.

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    Replies
    1. I will join you in wishing it never to happens to you...it is not pleasant at all!

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  7. So I enter a bus, the guy inside already says "Bros, this bus hot ooo" then he throws his sweaty arm over & jeez X-&, my shoulder locks in his steamy microwave of an armpit.
    Like that aint killa enuf, the conductor signals to him "Bros o, yur moni for back".
    Just as he throws his sweaty arm back, "OMG"
    He wipes the arm sweat clean with my afro.
    I VIRTUALLY DIED!!!

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    Replies
    1. HHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH... Chijon! wE HAve to meet one day! you are hilarious!!

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    2. Oh jeez!!! That was a terrible experience, imagine walking around with a smelly fro...lol. Kpele oh!

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  8. hahahahaha Isweaaaarr.. That picture is worth a million words.. Chijon.. That was just horrible!

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  9. The truth is, most pple should get use to deodorant and body sprays, and save humanity biko! Without wearing a pef, a gud body spray can kip u armpit dry and scenting all day. @chijon I don't pray to encounter ur case o... Mogbe!

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    Replies
    1. They really should! Maybe someone somewhere should do an awareness event on bad odor or something

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  10. @chijon I don't pray to encounter ur case o! Haba!

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  11. hahahahahahahaha...why limit the experience to just inside danfos? Abegi! They are everywhere even the 'oye-tait' zones, they still ooze. I hold my breath those moments I'm in contact with any...nice me hates to be rude so I suffer in silence.

    Nice outlay by the way; I love the way the colours blend & wittiness.

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    Replies
    1. Sadly we have no choice bt to suffer in silence most times. Thank you!

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  12. This article is really funny. still laughing about "They ensure that your entire, and I stress ENTIRE shoulder is engulfed under their sweaty, UN-deodorized pits" emphasis on engulfed!!!... I've had my experiences too with "these lot". they have the to tendency place their arm over your side of the chair (your picture illustrates this superbly), woe unto him that slips a request to have them reposition there hand esp. in Lagos, you are in for the insult/snub of your life. Unless you are lucky enough to meet "reasonable" ones. what i simply do is reposition myself by leaning forward and resting my head to the front seat looking at the opposite direction and focusing on the fact that the journey will end soon.

    You are a lovely writer.

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    Replies
    1. Yes oh...thats the only way to endure such journeys. Thank you so much Paul!

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  13. Lol. Very common in those "Ringyoad Yingroad" buses at Uniben Main Gate. Thou shalt not sit in the back of those ones!!!

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    1. Lmao... No.5 In the public transport commandment book.

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  14. I try to ensure when i'm commuting by public transport i don't wear sleeveless clothes..... it reduces the trauma of these "pits"

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes it does!!! The thought of someone else's sweat on your bare skin...ugh!

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