MissPurpleheart.com: The "FRIEND ZONE"

“So he summoned courage, gathered his balls, encouraged his heart, grew the liver and got the guts”. It was a normal “come over to the house” invite for Erica or so she thought, but that wasn't the motive behind the invite. “I have come to grow fond of you, I see you as a total part of my everyday life and I will want you to be a permanent part of it” Josh said., “I don’t understand what you mean” Erica replied, “I want you to be my girl.. girl friend” Josh stuttered.. lets pause it here …

We all have a glib definition of the word friend and from my candid opinion not very many of us can lay claim to knowing what the word “friend” stands for. Lets see what the actual meaning of friend is, as defined by blackberry online dictionary (that's like the closest dictionary to me right now, so don’t judge!)

1. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

2. A person who gives assistance; Patron ; Supporter

Knowing these definitions, the human mind has evolved and matured to a level of breaking these words down. We now have what they call shades of friendship; Acquaintance, pen pal, on-line friend, friends with benefits and friends with family status… hahahaha

Everybody, especially the male folks often find a particular word used of recent as an unacceptable social tag and placement. The word I guess you already know is THE FRIEND ZONE (You just smiled now). I will leave you with these three stories and let you guess which one happened to me *wink*.

She was graceful in speech, pleasant in dispositions, fair in complexion and tall in height (I think you get the picture already). She was everything he wanted in a girl, every guys dream girl. They got talking, pleasantries became hours of talking, and casual hangouts became late night outs. He wanted to be the perfect guy not knowing rules were to be followed. Then "he summoned courage, gathered his balls, encouraged his heart, grew the liver and got the guts" and decided to ask her to be his girlfriend. And with the warmest of smiles and in the most charming of voices she leaned forward and whispered "I like u a lot, so much that I will love to spend every minute with you (here comes the big BUT) but I will prefer we stay friends. We are better of as friends". And that was when it dawned on him that he had been Friend Zoned… (I bet you are laughing at him right now)

The fact still remained he got it wrong from the onset. Thinking and over analysing issues. Calculating every action like it was a mathematical problem. I guess he didn't want to show he was desperate, who knows? At this point, there are only two things you can do. Sit down and enjoy the friend zone or just end the drama and save yourself the hurt before she comes ranting to you about her sexcapades and boyfriend drama …hehehehe

Many of us view the FRIEND ZONE thing from different angles. Some see it as an aberration others do not see any harm in it. Some fear it, some see it as a perfect place to launch out and get what you want at the end of the day. Either way, the opposite sex will kill whatever they feel for you (that is, the fact that it ever existed in the first place) the moment they see you as “just a friend”

I had a friend who was so into this guy at a particular point in time, we all warned her to be wise (the guys should know what that means). She had sworn to quit all sort of vices pertaining to relationship if she should ever date this guy. He was quite simply and easily read but she misread all his intentions or should I say over read, I really don’t know.

And when he sensed she was beginning to assume a lot of things, he took her out on the most romantic date she had ever been on and at the end of the date, while she anticipated the good night kiss at the gate to her hostel that will make her leg pop, he hugged her tightly and said “I really love u and I appreciate the kind of person I am becoming with you, you're like the sister I never had" (Hold it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Sister????? That was the bomb shell (please stop laughing)…. She was not only zoned as you would have expected but she was in a category that is so not acceptable; The FAMILY ZONE..LOL! Left to me, that is pure wickedness. Hahahaha… I hope you get the picture I am trying to paint. But in case you don’t, please paint yours, it is so allowed.

Let's take it back to the top. Having hosted Erica in a manner that he hasn't done before and uttered those words, Erica held his hands and looked into his eye and said “what took you so long?”, I already have a boyfriend. Shocked by the words that fell off Erica’s mouth, Josh is left with no other option than to return to the friend zone he just crawled out from. Right from his hands and under his nose, another guy stole what Josh has carefully nurtured (e can pain...Lol!!). This is one very typical but at the same time possible scenario. Yes! It is a typical instance but I decided to sight the mystique that cloaks the mind of some of you on relationship and life at large.

My Thoughts on The FRIEND ZONE:

Humans are designed in such a way to want. The unending increase in our insatiable demands influences our relationship. Most guys want to hit on every girl they come across. (Nigga get that attitude in check!.) The truth is that you cannot date every girl you come across. You have to be friends to some, brothers to others and lovers to the rest. So if you ask me what's going through my mind as I write this, here it is: It's okay to be in the zone once in a while whether the friend, family or whichever zone you find yourself in.

The trick is to be fast in studying whoever you want to get involved with. I will drop a few tips on how to go bout this.

#1. Start small:
No need to jump right in and start pursuing every girl in sight! Start small. Start by doing things dating-wise that you normally wouldn't have done in the past, such as openly flirting with a girl whom you find attractive. You don’t need to be all over her, but be forthcoming with the facts that u are attracted to her. Whether she reciprocates or not really isn't the point (but if she does, the better!). Just allowing yourself to freely express how you’re feeling in the moment with a girl whom you are attracted to is the point of this write up.

If you are lucky and the first girl you approach is receptive, take the initiative and don’t be afraid to ask for her number! Don’t let it go to waste. There are ways to do this without coming up as overly aggressive. (For tips on how to talk to Nigerian girls watch out for my next write up. Lol!)

If the first few (or several) you openly flirt with don’t seem receptive, just view it as practice, after all practice makes perfect

#2. Don’t take it personal:
If you notices that you have been relegated to the friend zone don’t feel too bad after all it is not the end of the world and more so don’t cut out communication as most people will do or create a wall between yourselves. It might just be that he/she is telling you to tighten up or try something out of the box. Just see it as an opportunity to reach out and launch out again. On a related note, rejection is natural phenomenon; you will just have to find a way of being comfortable with it. I don’t want to launch into some semi related, offhand stories about how some of the most successful business tycoons out there faced multiple instances of rejections before stumbling on their winning formulas (I am pretty sure you have heard plenty of those! ) but you should know that even the most attractive, charming, seductive, witty guys (girls) out there have had to face rejection at one point or the other….no one person is capable of charming everyone (even if from the onset, it seem they can!)

(P:S no try me sha, I can charm u.. *winks*)

The difference between you and that other guy or girl you think has got game more than you (or luck as the case may be in any other context) is that they don’t take rejection personally, and they know that just because one girl/guy/company/opportunity turns them down (or doesn't find them attractive), doesn't reduce their value or what they have to offer.

#3. Have a “You never know until you try attitude”:
So u asked a girl out. She says no, or she prefers you as a friend or sees you as a brother. So what? Life goes on. There will be other girls. But, if you never ask her out, you will never know if she would have said yes, and that, to me, is worse than being flat-out rejected.

#4. Stop over thinking thing!
Yes, that’s what I said! Stop over analyzing every little thing in your mind that a girl/guy says or does! This is what women do, and you see how much trouble it causes them? When you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and the situation, you get nowhere

See a girl you like? Ask her out. If she says no, move on to the next one. If she says yes, wonderful! If you sit there and ponder over the different scenarios, of what will happen if u ask her, paralyzed by the thought of hearing "no" (but equally scared of hearing yes), you just make it all the more easy for some guy to come along and “steal” away before you have even had your chance, just like in the case of Josh…now, which is worse? Having someone say no, or not even having a chance to get up to bat?

Finally, in d words of Nike, "Just do it!" After taking the steps above, the only thing left to do is to just do it! You can sit, ponder and analyze a situation to death (simply your headache), but nothing happens until you have made the first move!